Muito estreito, muito sólido, quase áspero, cada vez menor. Podia ser que fosse o eu que crescia, e não o lugar que diminuisse. Afinal, sem tempo e sem espaço, o que era eu para ter alguma identidade, e assim saber-me crescendo?
Fiquei ali durante um infinito. O semespaço é agudo, massacrante, doído, sem posição. Um grito que não termina e entra, berrante e cada vez mais, tímpano adentro.
E quando tudo me apertava a ponto de não ter mais qualquer movimento, quando tudo em mim doía como em um longo e custoso nascimento, quebrei a solidez da casca que sempre pareceu mais forte do que qualquer força minha.
Estiquei, muito devagar, meu corpo. Não encontrei a resistência de sempre, mas o vazio. Expandi. Mais e mais, eu era o que eu não sabia. Escutava a casca rachar e romper; agora em pedaços, mera sombra do que me conteve. Ganhei o espaço, o vazio, o podermoverse. Lugar, mundo, tempo.
Rastejo. Com as estações, renasço.
Noone would have thought it. Neither would I. But it was like this: it hurt terribly much. It was narrow, solid, smothering. It seemed like the end of the world, but I then had no knowledge the world could end, nor that it did exist. This is how it was: an antiworld, antiplace, antispace, which I inhabited without ever being able to measure time, as time itself was also something I failed to know.
It was very narrow, very solid, almost coarse, smaller and smaller. It could be the I that grew and not the place that got smaller. After all, with no time and no space, what was I to have any identity, and thus know myself to be growing?
I remained there endlessly. The absence of space is acute, murderous, hurtful - no place is a place to be. It's a cry that stays and invades your ears yellingly, with increased force.
And when all squeezed me to the point of depriving me from any movement, when all in me hurt as if in a long and troublesome birth, I broke the solidity of the shell that always seemed to be stronger than any effort I could ever make.
Slowly, I stretched and found not the usual resistance but emptiness. My body expanded and I was more and more that which I failed to know. I heard the shell crack and break; now in pieces, it was a mere remnant of what once contained me. I broke into space, emptiness, movingness. A place, the world, time.
I crawl. Every season sees me reborn.